20lbs of WhAt!?

So i come from a family that if you packed each of them into their own suitcase, they would meet the 50lbs weight limit. Not exactly but you get my point. i am the shortest and the "heaviest" which is understandable. i used to dance, (ballet, tap, jazz) all the time, i also did gymnastics, and with musical theater you are always moving. My activity level slowed down when i moved to Peru due to the fact that the activities were not as available, but i also blame my lack of motivation. i guess i became angry/depressed/rebellious because i had to move away from my life in the Sates. Also, something i don't usually like to mention to people but this is all about being open and hoping to connect with others... i have chronic knee pain, every day all day they both hurt. it feels almost like 24/7 growing pains. My dad and grandfather both had knee surgery and i keep thinking one day i will get back on stage and win "so you think you can dance" (ya i dream big) so i have been avoiding the surgery talk for as long as i can. At about 15-16 i was taking about 10-15 hrs of dance a week (roughly 3 5hr classes) along with doing musical theater and the pain became so bad i just started skipping classes and giving up, i didn't want to be that girl who was so good at the beginning of class and now cant even do a split leap so i just quit.

Thats when i want to say my active-ness slowed down, then on top of that when i moved back to the States i was 21 so drinking came into the picture. We all know that new drinkers start of with the WORST drinks, the ones that are LOADED with sugar and carbonated, but only $1.99 at the gas stations. So lets recap, no more activity, and lots of sugary alcoholic beverages, it was also my first time living on my own so my kitchen was stocked with all the cheapest food i could find. Nothing cheap comes with out a HIGH toll on your health... i went from being 5'3"100-ish lbs to 5'3" almost 140lbs in about two years. At first i didn't worry about it because being as small as i always had been putting on weight never seemed like an option, people always said i could use some "meat on my bones". i also didn't mind going up a bra size, that didn't seem so bad, but when i tried to put on my favorite pare of jeans that i have had since i was 16 and the zipper ripped right off as i tried to pull them up. That is when i realized there was an issue. i had a double chin and rolls i could hide multiple pencils in.

i know there might be some of you who are reading this and thinking i am shallow and stupid for feeling the way i do about my body, but the thing is every person feels different about their body, some might be wanting gain weight. This is just the story about how i FEEL about MY body.

i have been doing a bunch of different diets, mostly with healthy and organic foods, raw foods, juicing ect. Just trying to find a good balance of calories, protein and sugar intake. i think i am doing pretty good, the only complaint i have is how much time i spend on the toilet now. Ya i know thats its a good thing, but dang the more healthy food i eat the more time i spend ToiletTweeting. All kinds of big corporations and even talk show doctors want to get up in front of people and tell them how good cleansing and detoxing your system is for you and should be done once a month, but none of them have the guts to flat out say YOU WILL POOP SO MUCH. Everyone is so scared of poop, and pooping that we ignore it all together, well i promise you i will not be shy about it, so far every diet i have done even the random $19.99 bottles of "Burn Fat Fast" Make. You. Poop...  but i did hear on the news, (ya the news talks about poop sometimes) that everyone has the potential to retain up to 20lbs of poo in their intestines. SICK! but i guess all my toilet time is worth it.

i guess i never learn

I have three other blogs that i have stopped writing, i have four books i started writing, i am 24 and still in community college (nothing against community college i LOVE my school). So you would think i would have learned that finishing things is not my talent, but for some reason i checked my blog today and saw that i have had 301 views and that made me feel like i should at least keep trying.

Like i said a few weeks? ago i have been trying very hard to get in shape. I am finally on a good path where i am eating 80% raw and 20% "normal" but still healthy food. Using the % sign makes me seem like i know what i am talking about, basically i eat more none cooked food then things like meat.  i feel great, i feel brand new, but the food is not the only thing i have changed i also have been very consistent with my workouts. i do at least 20mins of cardio every day. i really really love Jillian Michaels: Banish fat, boost metabolism, she is an inspiration and makes me want to push through the circuit. i have even thought about looking for a kickboxing class to start taking, it is invigorating especially as a woman to feel like you can kick butt while working hard.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJ593Z7MKs8

i have been living this healthy life style for about 5 solid weeks now, every monday-ish i take a picture of my progress and other then the typical bloating from being a woman (womp womp) i haven't really seen any changes, but my fiances says he does. i also haven't lost any weight, but i feel lighter, i feel better, till i look down at the rolling hills on my mid section. so i am focusing most of my energy on that part and the cottage cheese factory on the back of my thighs. i guess i cant really complain because my sleeping patterns are better and my mood is great, so for now i think ill stay on this path.

My nanny family is out of town this week which means i am on the couch this week right? wrong. i am choosing to spend my free week working out hard, and pumping my body full of healthy and organic foods....
today i made up a recipe for gluten free, flour free CoOkIeS.

Batter: in a food processor i put in pecans, walnuts, and chia seeds
Sweetener: raw agave, vanilla, cinnamon, and s dash of all spice
Fruit: dried cranberries and dries blueberries
Two Eggs just to add a little fluff to them.

i processed all the nuts and powder items then in a bowl i missed the fruit an eggs, it really does turn into a nice batter. scooped it onto a cookie sheet and baked them for 15ish mins at 375.

Pushing it

So I'm not over weight but I am not where I want to be physically. I feel like I have tried every method possible to try and lose the weight I want and nothin has worked, haven't shed a single pound. So I found this book at the book store and it is called 10lbs in 10days. Sounds unrealistic but I read through it and it looks very possible.it does it in ten day sections, or phases. The first phase is a diet of 900 calories a day and some light workouts to jump start your metabolism. Today is my first day of phase one. I have only had breakfast but so far so good.

Flushin

Yesterday day (Wednesday) I started a three day cleanse. I have been really good with my healthy eating habits but I haven't seen many physical results so I thought it was time to completely clean out my body and start Over filling my system with purely healthy foods.

So I did a lot of reading a research and pulled juice recipes from all different places that would work well with what I was looking for. I bought all my ingredients and I even got 16oz mason jars so everything would be measured out just right. I was going to start each day with a salt water flush, which I had never done before but heard it worked wonders. I used the recipe I found and 32oz of warm water and 2tsp of salt. Nothing happened, there was zero amounts of flushing happening to me. Even after drinking all my juices I had not "cleansed" at all yesterday.

So this morning I tweaked the recipe a little bit and put in 1 1/2 tablespoons and eureka, we had flushing. I drank about a cup and a half and I thought I was goin to puke right then and there I couldn't finish it and had to drink water to et the taste out of my mouth. I won't lie to you, it was horrible and miserable And I felt sick for a good 30mins after I had to sit on the couch and not move till the feeling passed. What helped me feel better was a cup of hot green ea it soothed my tummy. After the nausea passed I felt totally normal, and once the "flushing" began I wasn't cramping or feeling uncomfortable, it was quite... Pleasant? If you can stand the salt water and not puke then I recommend it maybe once a moth to clean out all the back up in your body.

A lifetime in one week

Normally I only work twice a week, but for the next two weeks I am working everyday, which is fine with me I am free basically all summer and I love the girls. My two weeks started on Monday today is now Wednesday, so only 3 days have gone by but it feels like two weeks.

Two weeks of nothing but chicken nuggets watching tv and taking a nap, what could be better? Well honestly I can only pretend to watch the Mickey mouse club so many times and if I eat another PB&J I'll be 400lbs, but I can not complain too much because I don't sit in an offices all day with people I don't know and don't know me, I love waking up to see what today will be like.

Today, how ever did not start very well. I got here on time and ready to go The Mommy opened the door with half a head of curlers and no makeup looking distraught as ever and then I heard it a solid "AHHHHH" in the highest pitch known to man. Crabby Baby was in a horrible mood, screaming for her daddy who had already left for work hours ago. I could tell her mom had already given up because she was ignoring the shrieks, and went on with he morning make up prep. I followed their moms lead and went straight to sit next to Blond Baby who was also in a bit of a sour mood, which I assumed was simply backlash from listening to CB cry all morning.

It's moments like where I get just a little uncomfortable while watching someone else's kids, while the mom is here I let her take care of the situation but CB kept crying long after Mom left and that was when I didn't know how to calm the moment. So I simply won't in and tried to distract her with something else, she ended up playing a computer game till she felt better and acted like she was never upsetZ
Oh to know what goes on inside the mind of a child.

DIEt

So I haven’t exactly been doing the raw thing, its hard in the sence that it takes A LOT of prep time and planning, both of which I am no good at. I go to the store to buy veggies for a week or two and they last maybe last half that time. Math has never been a good subject for me. But what I have been very good at is eating breakfast every morning. That was another thing I was never very good at, not because I don’t believe in breakfast or anything like that but I just either wouldn’t give myself the time to eat or wasn’t hungry so i would skip it and end up eating way too much for lunch and dinner. Now I eat a bowl of mixed berries coconut butter some type of chopped nuts and dried cranberries. I find I am way less hungry throughout the day when I have a full breakfast, so then for lunch all I am really in the mood for is a salad which is perfect.

I am also a proud new member of a Bikram yoga studio, bikram yoga is also know as hot yoga, the roomis 90-100 something degrees and the poses have been chosen to not only stretch and strengthen your muscles but to help and heal your insides as well. Its an hour and a half long session and yes it does feel like you are going to die but it is so worth it. You feel reenergized and ready to take on the world. Getting motivated to actually GO is the hardest part simply because I know what is waiting for me at the studio. Last session I had to leave fifteen mins early because I thought I was going to either pass out or throw up, but even a shortened version of the class was worth it. I highly recommend it to all who are trying to get healthy, you get a hard core detox through sweating, increase flexability and heal your body all at once. i have really bad knee problems (thanks to my dads side of the family) and I didn’t think I was going to make it through my first class but sure enough I came back for a second class and I plan on going today.

I haven’t gone enough to see if it is helping the weight loss but I do feel more confident after going, and that is the first step, for YOU to like how you look.

Learning who's the boss

School is over for the summer and since I only work twice a week, I was just realizing that I will have a whole lot of free time. Which is not always a good thing. I like to keep busy it keeps me motivated and moving, if I let myself sit for too long, then I will never get up.

So I arrive at work today feeling a little off knowing that I have nothing planed for the first week ok summer and I am greated by Cranky Baby telling me, "go sit on the stairs and wait for us to finish breakfast so you dont bother me." her mother heard her say this so I didn't need to respond. Her mother scolded her by reminding her that she is not the boss. At that moment I know it was going to be a long start to a long week.