20lbs of WhAt!?

So i come from a family that if you packed each of them into their own suitcase, they would meet the 50lbs weight limit. Not exactly but you get my point. i am the shortest and the "heaviest" which is understandable. i used to dance, (ballet, tap, jazz) all the time, i also did gymnastics, and with musical theater you are always moving. My activity level slowed down when i moved to Peru due to the fact that the activities were not as available, but i also blame my lack of motivation. i guess i became angry/depressed/rebellious because i had to move away from my life in the Sates. Also, something i don't usually like to mention to people but this is all about being open and hoping to connect with others... i have chronic knee pain, every day all day they both hurt. it feels almost like 24/7 growing pains. My dad and grandfather both had knee surgery and i keep thinking one day i will get back on stage and win "so you think you can dance" (ya i dream big) so i have been avoiding the surgery talk for as long as i can. At about 15-16 i was taking about 10-15 hrs of dance a week (roughly 3 5hr classes) along with doing musical theater and the pain became so bad i just started skipping classes and giving up, i didn't want to be that girl who was so good at the beginning of class and now cant even do a split leap so i just quit.

Thats when i want to say my active-ness slowed down, then on top of that when i moved back to the States i was 21 so drinking came into the picture. We all know that new drinkers start of with the WORST drinks, the ones that are LOADED with sugar and carbonated, but only $1.99 at the gas stations. So lets recap, no more activity, and lots of sugary alcoholic beverages, it was also my first time living on my own so my kitchen was stocked with all the cheapest food i could find. Nothing cheap comes with out a HIGH toll on your health... i went from being 5'3"100-ish lbs to 5'3" almost 140lbs in about two years. At first i didn't worry about it because being as small as i always had been putting on weight never seemed like an option, people always said i could use some "meat on my bones". i also didn't mind going up a bra size, that didn't seem so bad, but when i tried to put on my favorite pare of jeans that i have had since i was 16 and the zipper ripped right off as i tried to pull them up. That is when i realized there was an issue. i had a double chin and rolls i could hide multiple pencils in.

i know there might be some of you who are reading this and thinking i am shallow and stupid for feeling the way i do about my body, but the thing is every person feels different about their body, some might be wanting gain weight. This is just the story about how i FEEL about MY body.

i have been doing a bunch of different diets, mostly with healthy and organic foods, raw foods, juicing ect. Just trying to find a good balance of calories, protein and sugar intake. i think i am doing pretty good, the only complaint i have is how much time i spend on the toilet now. Ya i know thats its a good thing, but dang the more healthy food i eat the more time i spend ToiletTweeting. All kinds of big corporations and even talk show doctors want to get up in front of people and tell them how good cleansing and detoxing your system is for you and should be done once a month, but none of them have the guts to flat out say YOU WILL POOP SO MUCH. Everyone is so scared of poop, and pooping that we ignore it all together, well i promise you i will not be shy about it, so far every diet i have done even the random $19.99 bottles of "Burn Fat Fast" Make. You. Poop...  but i did hear on the news, (ya the news talks about poop sometimes) that everyone has the potential to retain up to 20lbs of poo in their intestines. SICK! but i guess all my toilet time is worth it.