20lbs of WhAt!?

So i come from a family that if you packed each of them into their own suitcase, they would meet the 50lbs weight limit. Not exactly but you get my point. i am the shortest and the "heaviest" which is understandable. i used to dance, (ballet, tap, jazz) all the time, i also did gymnastics, and with musical theater you are always moving. My activity level slowed down when i moved to Peru due to the fact that the activities were not as available, but i also blame my lack of motivation. i guess i became angry/depressed/rebellious because i had to move away from my life in the Sates. Also, something i don't usually like to mention to people but this is all about being open and hoping to connect with others... i have chronic knee pain, every day all day they both hurt. it feels almost like 24/7 growing pains. My dad and grandfather both had knee surgery and i keep thinking one day i will get back on stage and win "so you think you can dance" (ya i dream big) so i have been avoiding the surgery talk for as long as i can. At about 15-16 i was taking about 10-15 hrs of dance a week (roughly 3 5hr classes) along with doing musical theater and the pain became so bad i just started skipping classes and giving up, i didn't want to be that girl who was so good at the beginning of class and now cant even do a split leap so i just quit.

Thats when i want to say my active-ness slowed down, then on top of that when i moved back to the States i was 21 so drinking came into the picture. We all know that new drinkers start of with the WORST drinks, the ones that are LOADED with sugar and carbonated, but only $1.99 at the gas stations. So lets recap, no more activity, and lots of sugary alcoholic beverages, it was also my first time living on my own so my kitchen was stocked with all the cheapest food i could find. Nothing cheap comes with out a HIGH toll on your health... i went from being 5'3"100-ish lbs to 5'3" almost 140lbs in about two years. At first i didn't worry about it because being as small as i always had been putting on weight never seemed like an option, people always said i could use some "meat on my bones". i also didn't mind going up a bra size, that didn't seem so bad, but when i tried to put on my favorite pare of jeans that i have had since i was 16 and the zipper ripped right off as i tried to pull them up. That is when i realized there was an issue. i had a double chin and rolls i could hide multiple pencils in.

i know there might be some of you who are reading this and thinking i am shallow and stupid for feeling the way i do about my body, but the thing is every person feels different about their body, some might be wanting gain weight. This is just the story about how i FEEL about MY body.

i have been doing a bunch of different diets, mostly with healthy and organic foods, raw foods, juicing ect. Just trying to find a good balance of calories, protein and sugar intake. i think i am doing pretty good, the only complaint i have is how much time i spend on the toilet now. Ya i know thats its a good thing, but dang the more healthy food i eat the more time i spend ToiletTweeting. All kinds of big corporations and even talk show doctors want to get up in front of people and tell them how good cleansing and detoxing your system is for you and should be done once a month, but none of them have the guts to flat out say YOU WILL POOP SO MUCH. Everyone is so scared of poop, and pooping that we ignore it all together, well i promise you i will not be shy about it, so far every diet i have done even the random $19.99 bottles of "Burn Fat Fast" Make. You. Poop...  but i did hear on the news, (ya the news talks about poop sometimes) that everyone has the potential to retain up to 20lbs of poo in their intestines. SICK! but i guess all my toilet time is worth it.

i guess i never learn

I have three other blogs that i have stopped writing, i have four books i started writing, i am 24 and still in community college (nothing against community college i LOVE my school). So you would think i would have learned that finishing things is not my talent, but for some reason i checked my blog today and saw that i have had 301 views and that made me feel like i should at least keep trying.

Like i said a few weeks? ago i have been trying very hard to get in shape. I am finally on a good path where i am eating 80% raw and 20% "normal" but still healthy food. Using the % sign makes me seem like i know what i am talking about, basically i eat more none cooked food then things like meat.  i feel great, i feel brand new, but the food is not the only thing i have changed i also have been very consistent with my workouts. i do at least 20mins of cardio every day. i really really love Jillian Michaels: Banish fat, boost metabolism, she is an inspiration and makes me want to push through the circuit. i have even thought about looking for a kickboxing class to start taking, it is invigorating especially as a woman to feel like you can kick butt while working hard.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJ593Z7MKs8

i have been living this healthy life style for about 5 solid weeks now, every monday-ish i take a picture of my progress and other then the typical bloating from being a woman (womp womp) i haven't really seen any changes, but my fiances says he does. i also haven't lost any weight, but i feel lighter, i feel better, till i look down at the rolling hills on my mid section. so i am focusing most of my energy on that part and the cottage cheese factory on the back of my thighs. i guess i cant really complain because my sleeping patterns are better and my mood is great, so for now i think ill stay on this path.

My nanny family is out of town this week which means i am on the couch this week right? wrong. i am choosing to spend my free week working out hard, and pumping my body full of healthy and organic foods....
today i made up a recipe for gluten free, flour free CoOkIeS.

Batter: in a food processor i put in pecans, walnuts, and chia seeds
Sweetener: raw agave, vanilla, cinnamon, and s dash of all spice
Fruit: dried cranberries and dries blueberries
Two Eggs just to add a little fluff to them.

i processed all the nuts and powder items then in a bowl i missed the fruit an eggs, it really does turn into a nice batter. scooped it onto a cookie sheet and baked them for 15ish mins at 375.

Pushing it

So I'm not over weight but I am not where I want to be physically. I feel like I have tried every method possible to try and lose the weight I want and nothin has worked, haven't shed a single pound. So I found this book at the book store and it is called 10lbs in 10days. Sounds unrealistic but I read through it and it looks very possible.it does it in ten day sections, or phases. The first phase is a diet of 900 calories a day and some light workouts to jump start your metabolism. Today is my first day of phase one. I have only had breakfast but so far so good.