The show must go on.

I really should be looking over my lines, or at least paying attention to the scenes that are going on on stage, as the show I am in is doing its first tech run, but I'm not. Feeling a little blue today, granted the fact that I didn't sleep more then maybe 4hr last night isn't helping but on top of that there is this stress for the show and my parents and little sister went back to Romania today. I feel like they never stay long enough, we never do all we need to do together and I don't get to hug or love them as much as I wish when they come to visit. This isn't one of those situations where I'm finally realizing how much I need them now that they are gone, I love my parents they are awesome and I hope to one day raise my kids the way they did for us. I have always been a super fan of my mom and dad, I defend them when people call them weird and I try my hardest to spread their knowledge to who ever will listen to me. So when they come and go so fast my heart does break. We are a "company family". We spend our lives traveling around the world due to my fathers job, so the 5 of us were all each other had, in new and different situations we always had to stick together.

I do admit that now that my mom is gone I am realizing more and more that almost all of the things she has said or tried to teach me, have been right. So everyone should listen to their parents, they know what they are talking about.

Its not really cheating...

I can't really remember exactly when I started this Raw Food diet, it feels like forever but I think it has only been a week. I have been doing pretty good, it's not as hard as it sounds there are raw food options everywhere in almost every restaurant, you just have to look for them. I haven't cheated except for eating tofu. I have found what I think is a loop hole, and I had sautéd veggies twice. I think my biggest hurdle is the fact that almost all raw food is cold, hence it being RAW food, I like my food lava hot. So in order to not starve or over load my system with nothing but cold veggies i have "cheated" and treated myself with two sauté veggie dishes. Other then the temperature thing the only other "issue" I have had is I find myself having strong cravings for meat, which I don't ever have. I don't crave sugars or grains or anything else that I have eliminated except for meat. I am thinking it is a sign of a much deeper need of some kind of missing mineral or vitamin but I'll have to explore that later.

I also need to explore my breakfast options, for the past week I have had the same breakfast, mixed berries raw coconut butter, raw coconut syrup and mixed nuts. I am worried that the sugar in the fruit (though most is absorbed and broken down by the nuts) will cause bloating. So far I have not seen any signs of that but I am keeping a look out.

On top of my raw diet I am also doing a detox. what my mom brought to my attention when I originally refused to do a detox for fear of uncontrollable pooping, was that many people confuse detox, with cleanses. Which are two totally different things a
Detox is: (Medicine) treatment designed to rid the body of poisonous substances, esp alcohol and drugs

Cleans is: Rid (a person, place, or thing) of something seen as unpleasant, unwanted, or defiling.

Ok they both kind of sound the same but basically one you poop a lot and the other not so much. When I'm doing a whole lifestyle change it helps to keep terms as simple and dumbed down as I can.

I haven't weighed myself again yet but my mom said I looked like I had lost weight. my sister said that my mom only said that so I don't give up on my diet, but to be honest I FEEL better, and FEELING better is the first step. the better you feel the more you will love the end results. I bought a whole bunch of size Small clothes yesterday so I'm not giving up just yet :)

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and no one ever died from too many veggies ;)

Rawism

My parents are in tow, yes mom and dad back to do what parents do best, tell their kids what to do... this visit has been focused on my weight gain. Now let me give you a little background information on me before you go look at my picture and get up set that i am not a 600lb woman. i have been a ballet dancing since i was 3, from till i was about 18. roughly 15years worth of broken toes and muscle rub. When all my friends started to blossom and grow curves and boobs i stayed a tiny 90lbs. Till i was 21 i never weighed a pound over 100. Now that i am 24 i have not only gained weight but become very very out of shape, i get winded going up stairs my knees and joints hurt when i walk the dog, and i have lots motivation. So losing weight is the goal but i also cant wait to be back in good shape and health.

One of my favorite things about my family is we are not afraid of alternate methods to things. We are always willing to learn and fined new healthy and earth friendly ways of reaching a goal. so on Saturday i started a Raw Food diet.  Rawism is a lifestyle that promotes the consumption of uncooked, unprocessed and organic foods as 90% of their diet. Basically anything you can pick from a garden is ok, other then that, you cant eat.

this is mostly a trial run, to see if i even can lose weight, and if my body joints and motivation can be healed through a lifestyle change. Yesterday was my first day with out cheating, it is a little weird you do feel like you are missing a little something but you dont feel like you will die if you dont have meat or carbs. today starts day two....

Holiday recap

So I finally fell behind on my posting, which is no good considering a lot has happened... Easter weekend went very well I am very happy with my future family in love, I have yet to see a negative to any of them. We ate our own weight in crawfish and drank till we stumbled into the campers. I thought I took pictures of the pink lemonade cake I made for Easter but I can't seem to find them, if I do I will post.

April 10th 2005, was the day my now fiancé asked me to be his girlfriend. On Tuesday's my fiancé works nights so we celebrated early on Saturday. He surprised me with an authentic Rangers jersey, and FRONT ROW SEATS! To the rangers second home game! I was absolutely mesmerized by how close I was. If I screamed the player would have actually be able to HEAR me! On a daily basis I realize how blessed my life is, and every day I spend with my fiancé I feel like he just blesses my life more and more.

Easter of coarse was Sunday and I nanny Monday and Friday so coming back to the babies the day after they get baskets FULL of treats was an interesting day. Who ever decided to make all these holidays of gift giving, sucks. Especially for families with multiple kids, all day it was a none stop "Mine!" festival. This is mine that is mine, you have more than me... Luckily toys don't capture attention for long and all their Easter stuff only lasted for a day.

Dont forget to bring your number 2

I am sitting in a lobby i think, at school watching all the other students walk past eager and anxious to get to their next class while i slack off with a pizza and diet coke. i have a test in roughly thirty mins, and to be honest i should be at least reading over my notes but all i see when i open the PowerPoint page is black blurs on a white background. Also i just dont think it would be right to study up on eating disorders while eating a mini pizza, just so inappropriate, (i have an excuse for everything). i hate school, always have i expect i always will, and no it is not because i don try or dont care, i have actually be in every school setting possible. i went to Montessori preschool, half public half catholic elementary school, i half home schooled half public schooled through middle school. i even went to a special unschooled school(still not sure how it worked) sophomore year i home schooled again, then end of high school i went to a super uptight christian school. Nothing worked, i never understood anything and i never liked any of them. i am not stupid in any way and i am not mentally retarded in case anyone was wondering, i tend to think i am very bright, i can solve problems before most people even realize there is a problem. i can tend to a wound with out any first aid tools and i can cook a full four coarse meal by using my imagination. Everything i learned was just through daily activity, if i was interested in something then i set my mind to it and became the best at it. i just never worked well in any school setting. Oh well, obviously based on the fact that i now have ten mins till my nutrition test that, im not too worried about my future.

Sweet baby stories

It is mornings like this when i LOVE my job, especially on a beautiful Friday before a holiday weekend. Every morning when i come to work my day always starts off with a story of something i missed from earlier in the week. This morning Blond Baby hurried up to me as fast as her tiny two year old feet could carry her and began babbling on and on in the sweetest tone of voice. i could only understand about every third word but i nodded with a smile, she always seems to appreciate the effort i put in while doing my best to follow along. she took my hand and led me to the stairs, on the way she scooped up an old news paper that had been left aside by her mother or father, and carefully carried it up stairs as she led me to her perfectly pink princess bedroom. She tosses the paper onto the bed and tells me she needs to read the news so i have to tuck her in. Afer she is all snuggled in her Disney Princess bed covers i ask if there is anything good in the news "nope, never" well does the news say anything about the big scary storm. "no, but the ice balls were falling with the rain and the trees flewed so high, but its alright we'er otay".

i think if i could have a super power it would be to read minds, what i wouldnt give to be inside the mind of a child, to listen to all the simple joy-filled thoughts, pondering in depth about things us adults take for granted. Hearing how the wheels turn in their imaginations, the creations of all the elaborate make believe worlds they spend hours playing in.

One of the good or bad things about being a Nanny is that no day is EVER the same, you never know how the day will turn out. Even though today started with a sweet baby story, it ended with a run away five year old. Crabby Baby, desided to invite herslef over to a neighbors house and before i could say yes or no she ran right out the door with out any shoes of or even telling me where she was going. As i went out after her Blond Baby ran out the door to stop her sister so i had both babies running bare foot down the street. After i caught BB, i began nice and calmly calling for Crabby Baby. This is where i went through every version of parenting i have learned in my many years of psychology. NONE worked, i even pulled out my phone and had a fake conversation with her mother about how sassy and a naughty she was being at the moment. Nothing phased her she kept walking away and even quickend her pase. Finally i found myself bare foot in the middle of the street with a 2yr old on my hip screaming at CB to "get her bottom back her RIGHT NOW!'... i had just become "that crazy woman". It took me walking all the way down the block to her and using the angryiest voice i could come up with till she finally slowly and reluctantly began to walk back to the house, as huge sobs came rolling out. Stomping and yelling she eventually made it back inside where she spent the next 20mins SCREAMING in her room, till she came down stairs asking for a treat....

How very, mom like of you.

I am blogging from my kitchen today which is quite a shock considering the fact that i have had ZERO motivation for anything today. Yes i know, it is my day off i shouldnt have to do anything today, but the reality is that i have A LOT to do and i almost didnt make it from the bed to the couch. Oh the hard life i live... Not. Eventually i made it to the couch, then back to bed, i actually did come to the kitchen to make a nice fresh grapefruit juice for breakfast, then right back up to the couch. this all started at 6am when my fiancé left for work (i am a very light sleeper). As i was flipping and reflipping through the stations on tv with no luck on finding anything to watch i finally decided on a little trashy day time talk show till i realized that time had flown by and i really did need to get up and go.


This coming weekend is Easter and i am going "camping" with my whole family in law. i guess i have yet to mention this but i am a bit of a cooking addict, i come from a very big very Latin family and we are all about food and drink. i have been bless with the passion for food and a sixth sense for spices, its not just a hobby its a life style. Baking is my all time favorite thing to do in the kitchen, its soothing and helps me clear my head of everything else that happened that day.

since wednesday is my day off i thought i would do a trial run of what i want to take to Easter. When ever i cook i always like to try something i have not made yet, so naturally i would like to make sure that what ever i plan on taking to my fiances family turns out right. So I chose chocolate coated cake stuffed strawberries, sounds tricky because it is tricky. I am not a fan of cake balls but everyone else seems to be so I thought why not take a perfectly well made cake turn it into crumbs then squish it back together again... Then stuff about a pinch of it into strawberries because that is all that will fit. Once all that is done coat the strawberry with out all the cake falling out. They tasted good but I think just having fresh strawberries on a vanilla cake would taste good too. So in the end I feel like the results are not good enough for the amount of work they take. So I will be looking for something else to make tomorrow. 

Duck and cover

Maybe I should be paying more attention to the warnings on the news right now about the massive storms and forming tornados that could potentially be heading to my neck of the woods, but after spending almost an hour in a tiny bathroom with two dogs a cat and my aunt waiting to either die, or continue with our meager lives... Well, considering the fact that I am now blogging, looks like all is well, for now. My fiancé was on lock down at his job where the tornado just happened to lift off the ground and simply hop over his building. I feel like the worst part about storms or any dangerous situations is feeling completely an utterly useless while watching the vicious green and red blobs slyly stroll across the screen behind the weather man. I am still occasionally getting a black screen and screeching sirens telling me to stay inside, and wait for further notice on if seeking shelter is needed. At this point can simply look out the window and determine that for myself.

My heart is still beating possibly loud enough to hear from outside my body. I listen to the rain fall and can feel the thunder shake the sky. Even with this weather ripping through our cities the air outside seems creepily calm. Every person around here is in a personal panic wondering how long to wait till they can either breath with relief or openly panic, but the trees are still as If they know exactly when and where mother nature will unleash her wrath. Storms usually call for a blanket and a cuddle on the couch, but as I sit by my open window to get a front row seat of this sky show, I can feel how warm and sticky the air is. Maybe it was my fault I spent a useless hour in a bathroom with a zoo, I was listening to the wrong warnings. I should have just listens to the sky, after all, when a storm is coming, it will let you know... Stay safe everyone.

Following in footsteps

I am the oldest of three girls, it's ironic that I nanny for two little girls considering my whole life I have been looking after my younger sisters. When mom and dad weren't looking I would pick up their mess and push them in the right directions. Taking blame and fixing inconvenient situations so they could continue their angelic personas. Even now living with my middle sister I run around behind her cleaning up her messes both literally and figuratively. Grocery shopping and making sure the house doesn't burn down. Maybe I was made to be a mother and a house wife. Which in my eyes is not a bad thing, I LOVE caring for people, I LOVE cooking, i also enjoy keeping things clean and organized so why wouldn't I be happy having a job that I don't have to get a degree for ( I HATE school).

I sit in the audience watching my sister in rehearsal for a play we are in together. I started the acting in the family when I was 3, and haven't stopped since. I hate admitting that I tend to receive larger rolls in the shows we go up for. Seeing my sister in the background in the chorus, knowing how incredibly talented she is would kill me. I began to either not go for it and drop out of shows when she was denied the parts I know she was made for. But now, she stands on the stage, center of attention, beautiful and talented for all to see and I can take a breath and think that maybe just maybe I contributed to this incredible young lady blooming in front of me.

On a sunny day

Its finally spring time, the sun has made it out from behind the clouds and the air is warm enough to tingle the skin. It's time to spend more time outdoors and in good company, creating memories and stories to share for when the sun goes back into hiding its heat from us. I spent this past weekend laying out by a pool with my best friend, then laying in the back yard with my fiancé. We had a delicious crawfish dinner with my "brother in law's" girlfriends parents and ended the night with wine outdoors listening to the last few COOL breezes rustle the leaves that were left on the ground from the near by trees. The smell of fresh cut grass in the air and the sound of a good conversation and laughter brought the evening to a beautiful close.

Remembering a wonderfully pleasant weekend helps me ignore my extremely runny nose and painfully itchy eyes as the traditionally terrible Texas allergies roll on through and ruin my mood. Trying to keep up with two little girls and my nose is no easy task. Especially when the itching and watering of my eyes makes it very difficult to color in the lines properly, and when coloring with a 5yr old it is best to be as accurate as possible or they are sure to point out your mistakes. It is also basically impossible to say "no we can't go outside today" to a 2yr old, they don't understand that the beautiful cool sunny day out side is Nanny's worst enemy right now. So we all slip on some flip flops I stuff a couple handfuls of toilet paper into each of my pockets for future nose blowing and we head out. Off into the day on pink sparkly tricycles.